Today.

today is officially the best day i've had in 22 days.

(:

.

.let's get crunk.

..and lose control

Peace

x

Woot.

I've Never Had Such a Strong Bond With Anyone Before.

I'm so glad to have you back in my life.

I Don' Give A Shit What The Others Will Say/Think. Its Not They're Choice Tbh.

I Need To Grow Some Balls, And Stand Up For What I Want, No Just Pretend To Want What Others Want For Me Because It's "Whats Best."

They Can Tell Me I'm Making A Mistake, But I Don't Care. All they Can Do Then, Is Hope For My Sake, That I Learn From My Mistakes This Time.

.

so nothings really changed since yesterday. im happier by a mile. but still feeling the same about that particular someone.

someone told me yesterday that i should tell him how i feel, and ask for a second chance.
i think about this, and its a good idea, and i want to do it.
i mean, what have i got to lose?
plus i think it'd give me more closure on the 'us' thing (provided he tells me he's not interested.)

but honestly, i don't have the balls to tell him. how can i say it? where can i say it? when can i say it?
theres just too many details that are too imperfect.

so i probably do what i do best.
stay in the background, and not go after what my heart truly desires,
and end up blogging about it all.

I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE

everytime i see you, it puts a smile on my face, my body fills with warmth.
but when you walk straight past, its a cruel, cold reminder that your not mine.

today was the first time we've properly spoken since back then, nearly a month ago.
i had you alone for 2 minutes.
back then, whenever we got the chance, even if it were only 30 seconds, they'd still be 30 seconds filled with passion, and laughter, and sheer happiness.

those two minutes were nice. a civilised conversation, then like you always do, you left.

everytime i see you, another part of me dies inside, it's killing me slowly.

so after a two minute conversation, you can imagine the emotional train wreck i am right now.

sad as in pathetic.

is it sad that i look out for you at school, just to see you walk by because you put a smile on my face?
is it sad that when i get home, i go on my computer and write stupid blogs on you?
is is sad that i look at photos of you, of us, just to see your perfect smile some more?
is it sad that i go to bed everynight, and just lie there thinking of you?
is it sad how i hate girls that you try "get into", when your the one that tried, not them?

is it sad, to still love you?

Valentines Day.

Today Was Amazing. I Love my Mates All So Much.

I Now Know That Valentines Day Doesnt Restrict You To Just Celebrating Love With Your Partner, But Friends Too.

I Have A Good Feeling About A Lot Of Things Now.

Moving.

i feel it's time to move on. & there is someone to move onto, someone i've cared about for a long time. but do they care about me enough..? it seems like they do, but then when they don't talk to you for ages, right after telling you they like you, you have to question what they're all about.
he's hated in my family, and i doubt he'd really be welcome round here. well, at least not if my brother was home. but just because they don't like him, doesn't mean i cant.

Oh and Happy Valentines Day Mother Fuckers.
i personally hate this day, more than any other day of the year. probably because ive never "celebrated" it with anyone before. yeeah, it's a depressant.

Song.

Lately, When I Listen To This Song, It Reduces Me To Tears, Just Because It's So Spot On With My Life Right Now. Everything In It Is True, To Me Anyway.

i remember what you wore on the first day

you came into my life & i thought, hey

you know this could be something

'cause everything you do & words you say

you know it all takes my breath away

& now im left with nothing.

so maybe it's true,

that i can't live without you

& maybe two is better than one

but theres so much time

to figure out the rest of my life

& you've already got me coming undone,

& im thinkin two is better than one

i remember every look upon your face

they way you roll your eyes, the way you say,

you make it hard for breathing

'cause when i close my eyes & drift away

i think of you & everythings ok

i'm finally now believing.

that maybe it's true

that i can't live without you

& maybe two is better than one

but there's so much time

to figure out the rest of my life

& you've already got me coming undone

& im thinkin two is better than one.

i remember what you wore on the first day,

you came into my life & i thought hey,

that maybe it's true

that i can;t live without you

& maybe two is better than one.

but theres so much time

to figure out the rest of my life

& you've already got me coming undone

& im thinkin ooh,

i can;t live without you

'cause baby two is better than one

there's so much time

to figure out the rest of my life,

but i figured out with all that's said & done

two is better than one

two is better than one

God Damn You Taylor Swift.
You Did You Have To Be So Amazing. ?

& the truth is..

i miss you.

Poem.

-I Wrote This Poem On 15/01/2010
It Currently Doesnt Have A Title.

I Never Knew What Perfection Was Until I Met You.
Those Eyes I Get Lost In, Everytime I Catch Their Gaze.

That Smile That Brightens My World, When Darkness Surrounds Me.

That Soft Gentle Voice, Sweeter Than A Symphony.
Those Strong Arms, That Create The Most Comfortable Shield Against Anything That Could Harm Me.
That Heartbeat I Hear, When I'm Nestled In Your Chest.
And That Vibrant Soul, That Words Itself Can Not Describe.

Grr.

why wont blogger let me change my fonts, size + center thingys.

gosh. not happy!

Friend.

This Is A Poem I Wrote A Few Months Ago, Around The Start Of November '09.

-Friend-

she lured me in with her bubbly personality & friendly smile.

she created happiness in my somewhat sheltered little world.

i had found someone to trust,

someone to share my days with & a shoulder to cry on,

like a soul mate in the form of a friend.

until things started to turn sour, and life itself turned upside down.

my eyes could see the tragedy unravelling,

but my heart and mind would not believe.

i remained stubborn.

pretending to be oblivious to the damage being caused.

but with all the pain she put me through, i couldn't let go,

for it was the change and thought of loneliness that i feared the most.

until one day i could bear no more.

another knife in my back to match the other stab wounds,

this time the tip of her blade hitting my heart.

its time to be free,

to stand on my own two feet,

and to face this world on my own.

It's Not An Obssession, It's A Fantasy Called 'Love'

^ ^ currently obssessed with this band ^ ^
---

Schooooool. What. The. Shit. ?

so today was my first day as a year eleven. this morning, i was moaning and complaining how much i didn't wanna go to school. you couldn't shut me up. but when i got there, and saw those familiar faces that i hadn't seen in so long, a warmth inside me came back. i never realised how much my mates mean to me. there were so many epic moments, its hard to remember all of them, and that's just in the one day. a few examples for ya..

---

alex: (shaking my milk) emma, I'm still wanking your milk.

myself: wank something else and i just might milk ;)

---

ashleigh: (to laura) come with me!
laura: I'm not coming anywhere!
myself: except on my face :D

---

kate: what the sex !
myself: what the sex ??
kate: well sex is equal to fuck. its the 'clean' version (:

---

ahh yes. the shenanigans we get up to eh.

and yeah, I'm still kinda down in the dumps. trying not to think about things to much.

but its hard not to, when for the past two years,

not a day has gone by where you ha vent thought of them
but back then, they were happy thoughts of what could be.
now, there agonising memories of what was.

x

Writing.

Alot Of The Things I Used To Write About, Were About You. And Now That There Is No You, I Don't Even Have The Feeling To Write Anymore.

Normally Id Wanna Write About How Hurt I Was. But This Times Different.

I Don't Feel Hurt.

I Don't Feel Anything. I'm Numb.

Emotions Don't Run Through My Veins Anymore, Or Appear With A Smile Or Tears.

A Part Of Me Is Missing, And It Left With You.

Because One Thing You Didn't Know About Me, Something I Never Told You, Is That I Love You. Not Loved.

I Love You.

And More Than Anything, I Wish I Had Told You That. Even Though Things Didn't Work Out, At Least You Would've Known.
Something I Had Known Though, Was That It Could Never Work. That Was The Reality Of It.
But I Was Living In A Fantasy.
Your My Fantasy, All Ive Wanted For A Long Long Time.
And Even If It Only Was For A Brief Moment, I Still Got To Experience

Those Moments In Your Arms, Holding Your Hand,

And Those Moments Where We'd Hold Each Others Gaze After A Kiss.

I Thought I Had Died And Gone To Heaven, Or Was In A Dream.
But I've Woken Up Now.

I Don't Hate You Like You Think I Do.
I Could Never Hate You. Your The Better Half Of Me. And I'll Miss You.